It's a Bird... It's a Plane... It's... wait, where'd it go?

While you were reading that cliche line, these sneaky hippos snuck into your house and raided your fridge

The question "what animal in Africa is most dangerous?" is often posed to small children as an attempt to bamboozle them, or whipped out by that one douche bag at the party who had 3 beers and wants everyone to know how smart they are. The question is, in itself, a tricky one. The answer often surprises people. It is not the lion or the elephant or the tiger or the cobra which causes people the most harm per year, rather it is the hippo. The same question is rarely asked in Canada because it is typically thought to be the Canada Goose, a ferocious animal which nearly pecked my dad's eye out one time at a park. However, much like the continental cousin to the southeast, Canada's most dangerous animal is also the hippo. But not just any hippo, the Sneaky House Hippo.

Test these sneaky Hippos and they'll Canadian Goose kick your plastic right out of the sky i swear to god

The one thing holding back the African hippos from being truly terrifying is their complete and utter lack of hands. Without hands, they are at best average defenders, and if they do force a turnover it's a pretty likely stalled out situation. The fearsome Canadian Hippos on the other hand have no problem using their hands to handle 175 grams of hippo meat. We're talking pachyderms like Kim "Bo" Sy who's half the size and 1/33rd the weight of an African hippo but can still hand block anyone this side of Saskatchewan. How about Hippopotamus Amy Luo who uses those hands to back up the huck truck all over the opposing team. Seriously, those African Hippos need to figure out the hand situation or they'll never win CUC (Canadian Ultimate Championship) (although it's possible they aren't eligible, what with them being African and not Canadian and all).

Seriously, how is that not Sneaky Hippo supposed to compete

Of course, the Sneaky House Hippos don't hold every advantage over the Serengeti Sprawlers. For instance, the typical hippo has a mouth that is two feet wide and at least 5'2 tall (!) which means it could fit Kimbo entirely in between the two big foreteeth during a good yawn. The Sneakier variety doesn't have nearly the masticular fortitude, meaning they often fall short in areas that a bigger mouthed hippo would surely clean house. I mean, just look at this next pair of images. You have to imagine a more well endowed pachyderm could meander a whole sleeve of Oreos onto the tongue without breaking a sweat.

You know what, those definitely aren't oreos so I take it all back. I mean, maybe they don't even come in sleeves

You know what though, talk about evolutionary leaps and bounds. Hippos have been around for nearly 16 million years in Africa, but the Sneaky House Hippos out of Vancouver started in the year 2016. This is just the fourth year of the Canadian hippo. In that time, they've racked up accolades the likes of which Hippopatamus Africanus can only dream of. I mean, in 2016 they took silver at the Canadian Ultimate Championship. That's their first year. How many medals have those southern hippos brought home hmm???

What's more, the Sneaky House Hippos (SHH) can fly. That's a hop skip and a survival of the fittest launch party for ya right there. That's what makes them so flipping dangerous. When you go to Africa and you want to avoid a hippo, just stay away from the water. But

in Canada? Those SHH will swoop down and get you when you least expect it. That's some scary stuff.

Of course, sometime's the SHH don't quite get off the ground. That's ok too. You need to learn to walk before you can run, so it stands to reason you'd need to learn to fall foolishly before you can soar gracefully.

Even if though they can't fly, the African hippos can outrun any human, and the same holds true for the SHH. Even if they can't get you with footspeed, the North American House Hippo is more than capable of sneaking up on you in a pinch. Just ask Eva Cham, one of the wisest of the SHH, who lulls you into a false sense of security before breaking your mark to smithereens. Talk to Esther Tau or Serena Tam, birds who've shrugged off their wings for one more romp through the Canadian ultimate scene. Think about Callie; on field MVP for her play and off field MVP for the karaoke rendition of Pony by Genuwine. Just ask Shheila, the purple hippo who most resembles an actual hippo. Shheila is extremely dangerous, so please be careful when confronting.

Shhhh, don't wake Shheila.

This team of Sneaky Hippos is super fun, very enjoyable to play with, and surrounded by positive vibes. If I had to go to battle, or more appropriately play a Frisbee game, you couldn't ask for anything better than one purple African hippo and a swarm of Sneaky House Hippos to support you. Fueled by Danie's secret Juice and Kalie's candy bribes, there is no Ultimate club team through all the land that is as fun, talented, and as sneaky as these hippos. Also, to that one dude who said that Sneaky House Hippos wasn't a feminine enough name for a women's club team, I am literally a female African hippo and I will snap you in half with my fore-tusks and I suggest you let that one marinate.

Win or Lose, this team's still awesome

~~ Editors note ~~ The Sneaky House Hippos are a women's ultimate club team based out of Vancouver Canada. I'm not sure if you got that from the article because we hired a literal hippo to write it and their writing style is a little all over the place. Also this team is incredible and they sent in a bunch of very fun and cool photos, and we at ULTIPLANET would be remiss if we didn't include them. SHHH

~~ Hippo's Note ~~ Fuck you editor Greg, I did a great job!