Officially Official 2019 D1 College Nationals Bracket Predictions

Now that pool play and pre-quarters are over, we here at UltiPlanet are making our bracket predictions. In honor of Game of Thrones being over we figured, a trial by combat is the best fit. If you've never watched Game of Thrones--first off what's your deal, but second you just need to know that a trial by combat is where your fate of whether you live or die is decided by if you can win in a fight. Because obviously if you win that fight it means you were innocent of every crime you committed blah blah blah but somehow every time this happens, someone is willing to volunteer as champion in fight for the accused. So obviously I chose the closest Minor League Baseball team to each college to be their champion. Each game decided by how friggin' cool their logo is. Enjoy!

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Men's Quarterfinals

Game 1: (10) Wisconsin Hodags vs. (1) UNC Darkside

Champions:

Beloit Snappers swingin' for Wisconsin

Durham Bulls running for UNC

Result:

If a tortoise can outrun a hare then a Snapper can outlast a Bull any day. Also objectively a way cooler mascot. That's just science. Easy matchup. Smell ya later 1 seed. Wisconsin advances to semis.

Game 2: (14) Michigan MagnUM vs. (4) Cal Poly SLOCORE

Champions:

West Side Wooly Mammoth slingin' their shit for Michigan

Wasco Reserves reservin' birds (I guess?) for Cal Poly SLO

Result:

Are the Wasco Reserves really just supposed to be a reserve for birds? How do they even do that. Just call yourself the Flock if you really need to be multiple birds. The central valley California is weeeeeird. How could a few birds beat anything, let alone a Mammoth. But, now that I think of it, Hitchcock's The Birds is scary af. I'm currently envisioning the Reserves be that, but with the angry maroon and blue face. Shit. Am I seriously talking myself into a stupid name for a bird mascot to meet a Mammoth? Simple answer: no. Dope Mammoth mascot beats scary af Reserves mascot, hands down. Down goes another top seed, Michigan advances.

Game 3: (5) Colorado Mamabird vs. (3) Pittsburgh En Sabah Nur

Champions:

Rocky Mountain Vibes gettin' toasty for Colorado

Washington Wild Things doin' their thaaang for Pitt

Result:

It couldn't be more fitting for the battle between these two blue bloods to be represented by the two fucking coolest MiLB mascots. Look at the shades on them both! It's sad this matchup couldn't be in the finals, but hey, don't cry because it came too soon, smile because it came at all. It's not every day that you get to see the Vibes take over a Wild Thing with your own two eyes, but today you will because obviously s'mores are cooler than an unspecific thing. Colorado moves forwards to semis with some huuuuge momentum.

Game 4: (8) Ohio State Leadbelly vs. (2) Brown Brownian Motion

Champions:

Columbus Clippers forging forward for Ohio State

Pawtucket Red Sox pawing through the snow for Brown

Result:

The Paw Sox polar bear of a mascot will rip the shit out of that boat. Brown the only higher seed to advance to semis. Next.

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Women's Quarterfinals

Game 1: (7) UCSB Burning Skirts vs. (1) UNC Pleiades

Champions:

Lancaster Jethawks flyin' solo for UCSB

Durham Bulls (still) running for UNC

Result:

Really sucks that another one seed has to go down because of the same shitty mascot. It should be pretty well known at this point that if you don't have a crazy mascot for your Minor League Baseball team then you're not doing it right. Do the Durham Bulls even realize that they've now officially ruined both UNC team's hopes and dreams? Now that's some bull. Also like, jets are cool. Hawks are cool. Jet + Hawks = WAY COOLER. Easy victory for UCSB.

Game 2: (6) Western Washington Chaos vs. (5) Dartmouth Princess Layout

Champions:

Everett AquaSox spittin' for Western Washington

New Hampshire Fisher Cats fishing for Dartmouth

Result:

Fisher cats sometimes eat family cats and dogs. That ain't cool. The AquaSox logo reminds me of Rainforest Cafe. That is cool. Western Washington advances to semis.

Game 3: (4) Carleton Syzygy vs. (3) UCSD Psychos

Champions:

St. Paul Saints trying to perform a miracle for Carleton

Rancho Cucamonga Quakes shakin' for UCSD

Result:

Some people probably think Saints are cool because and some people probably think earthquakes aren't but those people aren't me. But maybe my mind just changed after I typed that because I remembered my favorite Saint: St. Nick. That's right Carleton has FREAKIN' SANTA CLAUS on their side. Sorry quakes, thought you looked cute, but toooootalllllyyy deleting later. Later being now. Carleton somehow squeeze through after the St. Paul Saints change my mind mid-paragraph, must be a team of destiny.

Game 4: (16) Wisconsin Bella Donna vs. (2) Ohio State Fever

Champions:

Beloit Snappers (still) swingin' for Wisconsin

Columbus Clippers (still) forging forward for Ohio State

Result:

Turns out Snappers are a real David vs. Goliath story. Though, I should stop with the inclusion of religion in this article before USAU comes down with an iron fist--we all know they have a major separation of church and sport policy (cough, BYU, cough....cough, cough). Sorry, got distracted there. The turtle wins, bites through the ENTIRE deck of that ship. It's onwards for Wisconsin.

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Men's Semifinals

Game 1: (10) Wisconsin Hodags vs. (14) Michigan MagnUM

Result:

The battle of the low seeds has us waving goodbye to Beloit Snappers in the men's division. They fought honorably and were pretty cool with their backwards hats and all, but were just no match for the coolness that is (so far) only available in fossil formed. Can't wait until the government eventually unleashes their fleet of wooly mammoths one day tho. That'll be the coolest. Until then, they're just around to send Michigan to the finals.

Game 2: (5) Colorado Mamabird vs. (2) Brown Brownian Motion

Result:

S'mores are cool. Cooler when you're camping. Coolest when you're ~vibe camping~ in Colorado. But they get old quick after a couple and hurt your stomach. Not cool. Polar bears, on the other hand, are literally cold. So they cool as hell. Brown advances.

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Women's Semifinals

Game 1: (7) UCSB Burning Skirts vs. (6) Western Washington Chaos

Result:

Sorry frog, just got eaten by the Jethawks. UCSB is in the finals and trying to making it look easy.

Game 2: (4) Carleton Syzygy vs. (16) Wisconsin Bella Donna

Result:

Can't get Santa out of my head. He's fucking awesome and if anyone argues with that they're lying. Sorry Mr. Snapper, you seemed cool at first, but you just can't keep up with Santa. St. Paul Santas I mean Saints carries Carleton to the finals.

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Men's National Championship Game

(14) Michigan MagnUM vs. (2) Brown Brownian Motion

Result:

Never before have I had to make a decision between a Polar Bear and a Wooly Mammoth. How do I choose? Well, I think the decision is clear. I'm a huge Red Sox fan/huge homer and gotta go with the PawSox. I don't know why anyone would ever expect a Boston sports fan to not be a homer, so kinda shame on you for thinking otherwise if you did. But did you know they have the world record for the longest professional baseball game? 33 innings!!!! That's cool, right?! Also Polar Bears are real and you can't prove to me that Wooly Mammoths aren't fake. I don't care about your science and your discoveries, I care about COOL POLAR BEARS. So there you have it, congratulations to Brown for their national title.

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Women's National Championship Game

(7) UCSB Burning Skirts vs. (4) Carleton Syzygy

Result:

Yeah, I mean, at this point, you're not expecting anything to change. I also love Santa. Sorry Jethawks. You are kind of the definition of cool, but ya never gave me shit growing up. I need gifts in order to survive on my UltiPlanet salary. Crazy, too, because when I first looked up the St. Paul Saints' logo, I thought they wouldn't even Carleton wouldn't even make it out of bracket play. Funny how things happen. Congrats on your national championship Carleton. You earned it.