Through the Ember and the Flames, we Smolder on

(Cover Photo: Ember Ultimate joins the battle wagon on a desperate mission to find food in the barren wasteland that the USA has become)

The year is 2067 (as of course you know, since you are reading this during the year it is and all) and after the various nuclear wars and the spaghetti crisis of 26, all that remains of the former United States is The Chapel Hill Ultimate Frisbee team: Ember. While the name was initially just a cool name, it now serves as a beacon of hope smoldering outside the wreckage of DC, lighting the way for all survivors in this war torn tundra we call home.

Here we see Ember mocking the radiation gods as they cast their protective gear skywards. They have only seconds before they must recover the hats or else the radiation will kill them.

Ember was able to survive while everything around them went to pieces due to the fearless leadership of their captains turned fierce warrior gods with terrifying nicknames; Lanie "Carb-o-killer", Clil "Thunder Swinger", and Grace "the Weapon". Lanie used the years of swearing off carbs to lead the Ember through apocalypse on any scraps they could find. Did you now that cockroaches are a great source of protein and have 0 carbs? Cause Lanie knew. Lanie always knew.

Lanie and her sister Lillie test out new battle techniques

Clil gained the nickname "Thunder Swinger" during one of the many terrible storms Clil insisted on practicing in. When a different handler attempted to swing the disc, nuclear lightening struck it in mid flight. Clil still caught the frisbee and through a wicked backhand through the oncoming mutant hordes, saving the team to fight and play another day. She is very... very good at frisbee. Also Clil's massive stockpile of sunscreen saved the team when the atmosphere dissolved and the sun cooked CHUF alive. Not ember though; Ember survived.

Grace brought the wisdom of her years on the Chinese worlds team to Ember, teaching them valuable lessons that were vital during the doomsday that took our world from us; like how to throw super far. During the dark days, when Ember members became separated, Grace would write messages on the disc and huck them from state to state, ensuring constant communication between the team.

Left to right: grace, Lilly, Clil astride their massive mutant metal lion cub Greg. Greg has been key to Embers survival

Grace is not only a skilled ultimate player but also a famous equestrian. When the team had to fight their mascot, a Zombie George Washington, it was Grace's key fun fact, that "Washington was one of the first breeders of mules" which saved the whole team. As George made his charge, Grace pointed out that mules are the offspring of Male donkeys and Female horses, and poof, that was that for Zombie GW. Thank goodness Grace was so quick on the horse facts or we might be in an even worse spot than we are now. Unfortunately, all the team remembers of that war was that someone also gave Grace the Aux cord and she played country music the whole time.

Ember crosses the Delaware on their way to Valley Forge to duel Zombie George

In the restful hours between mutant raids and nuclear hail, the team has group dinners and remembers a simpler time, like in 2017 when the team was founded. They recount tales of when Grace got a layout d and a concussion or the time when the team bagel-ed everyone at their first fall tournament (Melody always gleefully munches a bagel during that story). They reminisce of the music of the BangTan Boys, a Korean band that Emma, the tall redhead, was so into during their highschool days. Those days seem so long ago, and yet sometimes they can still taste the forgotten times; back when Harper was a little 12 year old freshmen and not the 8 foot tall 60 year old who can carry three cowlagators (cows mutated with gators) on her back.

The team at one such dinner. Notice the bucket hats that protect them from radiation, an Ember invention

This piece was written in honor of Sarah, the fundraising chair that held the team together. When the world was falling apart, it was Sarah who pulled Ember up by their bootstraps and gave them the cash infusion necessary to spend all of 2025 on the moon, far away from the war that engulfed the planet. This seclusion gave them the time (and lower gravity) necessary to become the greatest high school frisbee team left (and the only high school frisbee team left). Thank goodness for Sarah and all the good work that she did otherwise who knows where Ember would be right now.

Teammates douse Coach JWei after a run in with some Fire Pelicans. Luckily everyone made it out ok

For anyone who is still alive to read this, find Ember. They are humanity's greatest hope for the future. With their Ultimate, leadership, and survival skills, there is nothing this team can't do, and in fact hasn't done. They are the only sane members of the human race left, and without them we would be no different from the Cowigators or the Hawk-o-pigs. Thank you Ember Ultimate. Thank you.

ok, maybe not totally sane